ghost in my bed ;
“Why do you always have to come back as a memory?”
I always sleep on the wall side of the bed. It has always been my spot. That side is my haven. I won’t sleep by the aisle because who knows? Maybe in the middle of the night, I’d leave my feet dangling and some demon would try to bite me. So, yeah. That spot saved me from a lot of monsters lurking under my parents’ bed back then. Later years finally started to kick in and I got to have my own bedroom. Irrational fears went away. But that didn’t stop me from sleeping by the side of the wall. I figured it just became a habit. This would be one of those little obsessive things that I do — leaving that space for no reason at all. Until one evening I realized the reason was you.
You stayed on the other side of my bed. I thought I was feeling chilly but it was you all along. You didn’t sleep though. You just stayed there and watched me sleeping silently. I knew. Even I was asleep, I knew. I didn’t have to open my eyes. I have to say, I love the way you’re haunting me. The way you look at me is the same. It moves. It hurts. I don’t have to open my eyes to feel it. Because a ghost or not, I feel you.
But why now though? It’s been over a year, so why just now? Why did you have to leave? Why do you always have to come back as a memory? Can’t you just come back to me instead?
Of course, you can’t. I’d take it all back right now if I can but there are some stories that I have to tell.
I can’t have you back, little ghost, no matter how much I want to… at least, for now, I hope.
I will still be sleeping by the wall.
(arts ; 2021)
02–28–21
